Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore

     HALLMARK IN CHARGE OF US HOLIDAYS For the time being anyway.

Hallmark in charge of US holidays
Washington D.C. - In a surprise decision today, the Republican controlled Congress placed Hallmark as the agency in charge of U.S. Holidays. This bill passed through Congress with amazing speed, and gained over 80 percent vote. Initially stopped by a presidential veto, the bill returned to Congress where it recieved 92 percent vote.
Senator Urman (R, North Dakota), the foremost proponent of this Bill, believes that "to help bring the budget under control, we must both generate economic success among American companies and remove certain tasks from the government's lists of responsibilities." Urman later said that "Holidays in general aren't that important, and I'm surprised this hadn't passed sooner."

Alfred Gerry, spokesperson for Hallmark Corporation, said of the announcement that Hallmark "did not even know of this until a day ago." Because of this, they may be somewhat slow in making any changes. However, Gerry was able to supply several prospective ideas Hallmark in considering.

The largest change proposed is the removal of all current holidays in December, and replacement with a holiday simply known as "Holiday," which lasts the entire month. "This way," said Gerry, "it simplifies the gift giving process as well as remaining politically correct." Other changes suggested are the shortening of the Jewish holiday Passover into one day, moving Halloween onto the last Sunday of October, as well as the implementation of two new Summer holidays. Disney Day would commemorate America's best known animator, and Hallmark Day would simply be celebrated by purchasing everyone you know greetings cards.

Said Gerry "Hallmark Corporation will not implement any changes simply for our own profit." However, sources claimed that Hallmark is planning on making it customary to give greetings cards on all holidays, even the sabbath. This information has sparked several protests in Washington D.C., which at this point have remained non-violent.
Crowds stunned at US decision

Courtesy of
Jewnet Wire Services

Hallmark is a registered trademark of Hallmark, © 1999.

     NASA SCREWS UP AGAIN It was all just a big misunderstanding.


     BLASTED DELETE KEY! Things will slowly start getting back to normal.

Somehow this posting got screwed up. I will be fixing it soon.
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