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W2News.com
Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore


     OKAY, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? Have I been asleep that long?
Internet        


Happy Birthday TSC! Alright, let me give this a shot. Sorry, I'm a bit out of practice.

Two days ago I was informed of a certain turn of events that's still making my head spin. The first thing that I would like to draw your attention to that the TSC main page has ceased to exist, along with it's slimy order of misfits. In its place stands the page of a humbled Itala Marzullo, banished from the group that he created after a bout with insanity. Oh, but that's only one side of the story. I want to be fair here...

After about three articles at Brand N, written by yours truly so long ago, I had hoped that certain members of TSC were awakened to the true state of their organization. Any group that founds itself in the ridiculous demands of evil will fall flat on its face when it comes to matters of "faith in members" and "loyalty to eachother," as it is simply not found within their aging ideals.

Let me take this opportunity to stop and add the fact that I was right.

Now, because TSC has fallen inward and destroyed itself, many of its members defected and are quickly making their own little nests throughout the internet; hopefully the backstabbing is just an aquired taste? I implore you members of other "Sith groups" to please keep these kind of things seperate from your personal lives, I am simply tired of hearing about it.

How long until you guys create your own "Itala"? This is one of the main reasons that I would like to stay as far away from "RPG"ing as I possibly can. I wouldn't touch the stuff with a ten foot pole, even if it was smeared with crap.


McSneer on 8/20/00.



     HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO BE NWE "ADMIN" I thought this was pretty funny.
W2News.com        

Mail Box Well, in my recent absence, many e-mails came pouring in. Boy, I stop checking my box for just a few weeks, and this happens? Some of these things are just flat out weird. Of course, there are some that truly stick out among their peers; those that seem to deserve more than just a passing glance. Here's two of 'em:

I will watch the Republican Convention, but I couldn't care less what the Dem's have to say.

Thanks for sharing. In all fairness, however, I don't think that you're really a Republican or a Demmycrat. The easiest way to find out what you are is to head on over to this nifty little utility. It'll help, trust me.

Hello, you can call me MOOG. I have been on the internets for over 20 years, and I think that I am very qualifiable for your site.
Here is my resume':

Work:

Service Associate 1958-1973
Manager: 1973-1980
Midwest Assistance Supervisor: 1980
Internet Devoloper: 1980-1999
Compositioner, Sun Systems: 1999-2000

Education:

Elem. School
Jr. Hi
High School
Junior College

I am very smat, and I received more "A" grades than I did "B" grades.

You can rely on me for your adminning needs. I carry a knife with me, so if we can't get good news, we can make it! I have a saying: "No news is bad news." Although I am not very newsy, I still am hi-tech and I do have a knowledgible grounds to work with.

As for me, I would like my admin to be

USERNAME: ADMIN
PASSWORD: XMEN2000

Thank you much for your time, and I hope I am open for the job!

Sincerly

MOOG

Well MOOG, what can I say? Your qualifications have overwhelmed me! The job is yours! I don't know how I forced myself to go on all this time without your obviously qualified help. You can log in right here and get those news stories flowing! Congratulations!


McSneer on 8/4/00.



     A GLIMPSE OF THE WORKING WORLD Corporate America not all it's cracked up to be.
Editorial        

Magic Manufacturing Well, I thought I'd explain myself a wee bit. It's been quite a while since I've written any decent articles here at the wonderful community of W2News.com (what're we up to 5½ people now?). I guess that's because of my intense respect for, and dedication to, my newfound working privaledges and responsiblities. Well, either that or I've been spending most of my time passed out on the couch, too tired to update. For this sad fact, I feel I must apologize. Perhaps I'll get better at this "waking up" thing everybody keeps trying to tell me about.

But in the meantime, I thought I should pass on a bit of the wisdom garnered from my whopping four weeks of work experience here in the greater Silicon Valley; y'know, share a little bit of what I've learned with those fortunate enough to escape the hangman's noose (for the time being).

Lesson #1 Never, ever correct you boss when she refers to how long she's been at the company (especially around other people).

Example:
My Boss: "Oh... well, it's been since about... '83, so I've been here, y'know, fifteen years."
Me: "...Um, seventeen, actually."
My Boss: *blank stare*
Me: *realize I just antiquated her in front of the new guy*

Lesson #2 Remember all that "Business Ethics" and "Workplace Communications" information we were bombarded with in Senior year? Well, you can now officially refer to that as the steaming pile of bull crap that it actually is.

Business communication is not about being able to express your feelings truthfully and in a professional manner. Nobody gives a flying advark turd. Real communication in the workplace is about carefully releasing only the most absolutely vital information neccessary to accomplish a given task, and to keep a tight lid on the rest of it.

Example:
Lady Next to me: "Excuse me, are those blue prints you're working with?"
Me: "Why, yes."
Lady Next to me: *peers over my shoulder*
Me: *startled head jerk*
Lady Next to me: "Oh, I was just looking... I'l be right back."
Me: *realize I'm probably in for something* *frantically finish whatever I was doing*
Supervisor Person: "Excuse me, are those blue prints you're working with?"
Me: "Why, yes."
Supervisor Person: "I'll take those!" *yanks prints from my hand*
Me: "Wait..." *calling after him* "Can I have my sticky note off the top?"
Supervisor Person: "No."

Lesson #3 Understand that common sense, contrary to popular belief, has never been (nor can it be) all that common.

Example:
Some Lady: "Excuse me, when is (so and so) going to be back?"
Me: "I'm not sure, I think she went to lunch."
Some Lady: "Oh. Would you do me a favor?"
Me: "Sure."
Some Lady: "She and I have been e-mailing some information back and forth. Would you tell her that this disk contains an Excel spreadsheet that houses all the shortage information regarding the blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me: *blank stare*
Some Lady: "Do you understand? Here, let me explain: (3 minutes of) blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me: "Here..." *offering sticky note* "Why don't you just right down the name of the spreadsheet?"
Some Lady: Oh, I don't have time. Let me explain: (3 additional minutes of) blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Lesson #4 Come to know the fax machine for the entertainment system it truly is.

Example:
Some Guy: Oh, I hate these things. *dials number* *waits*
Fax Machine: (almost affectionate) "Beeep!"
*painful silence*
Some Guy: (impatiantly) Come on...
Fax Machine: (condecending) "Beep."
Some Guy: Arrgh...
Fax Machine: (musically) Beep-beep-boop-boop-beep-beep-boop!"
*excrutiating silence*
Fax Machine: "... Beep!"
Some Guy: (angering) Come on!
Fax Machine: (old lady on other end of the line) "...Hello?"
Fax Machine: "...Beep?"
Fax Machine: "...Hello?!"
Fax Machine: "Beeeeeeeeeep!!"
Fax Machine: "Who is this?!?!?"
Some Guy: Aw, ****!" *frantically hits stop button*
Fax Machine: "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!"
Some Guy: *rams fist against stop button*
Fax Machine: "Beep!"
Fax Machine: "...We're sorry ...the number you dialed cannot go through..."
Some Guy: Stop you piece of ****!"
Fax Machine: "...Please try to dial your number again."
Fax Machine: "...Beep!"
Fax Machine: "...We're sorry ...the number you dialed cannot go through..."
Some Guy: *hits fax machine*
Fax Machine: "...Please try to dail your numb-"
Fax Machine: "Beep!"
*silence*
Some Guy: Finally!
*silence*
*silence*
Some Guy: I really hate these things.

And now, finally, onto the most important aspect of the job. That's right, the catering truck; more affectionately known as "The Roach Coach."

Lesson #5 Never eat meat unless you personally watch them cook and serve it.

Example:
I'll leave that one up to your imaginations.


McSneer on 8/4/00.



     THE MORE THINGS CHANGE... Nope, not dead yet.
Editorial        

The one I want It is a time of honor in a young person's life, a point of pride to some and a painful mistake to others. A place of decision and prioritization not often spoken of; an urgent and well needed changing of the guard. Days come and days go, yet change, unchanged in its purpose and unfaltering in its pursuit, pushes ever forward; the ever living common denominator, or so I'm told.

Anyway, time to cut the crap, I'm buying a new computer.

Broken mufflers and insurance payments aside, I've come to see that eight hours of work a day have left a few extra cents in my pocket. Without warning, suddenly those visions of unneeded megahertz dancing in my head have reached their proverbial apex. After being spoiled by the cadillac-like Compaq that I have at work, I can no longer be content with my aging Yugo.

Pulling the car references ever closer, I have made it my purpose this time around to not buy a lemon. The days of 32 MB of RAM max. are over. The computer that I would like to buy is the infamous Compaq Presario: 700 Mhz., 128 MB, 20 GB.; processor speed, RAM amount, and disk space, respectively. I think what I really like about how this looks on paper is the fact that the motherboard can cope with up to 512MB of RAM, should I ever have to upgrade in the future.

Now I just have to buy a bigger monitor :)

Oh, as I'm sure we're all already painfully aware (well, except maybe Branden), Freeservers has decided to change (notice a recurring theme here?) their banner ads. Instead of a decent sized purple ad, they have decided to plaster some huge, blue piece of crap over the top of all my pages. To combat this newfounded evil, I suggest the mighty Proxomitron.

Online rectal exams are for losers.


McSneer on 8/3/00.


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