W2News.com
Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore


     HAWAII ACCIDENTLY BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS! Poor Giligan... who wants barbeque?
Nation        


In a startling discovery, investigators find that the island chain of Hawaii has been blown clear off the globe. Radiomen first became suspicious something had happened when Hawaii no longer responded to radio hails or other transmissions. They soon contacted the nearby principality of Nickoslavia and asked if they knew what had happened. Nickoslavia denied any knowledge of the happenings at ex-neighbor Hawaii. They also denied drinking Root Beer, but nobody asked.

Frederf and Hawaii destroyed Jewnet Wire Services has had an ongoing investigation underway for several hours now, and has been able to piece together the following four possible scenarios from the evidence:

  1. The Japanese, seeking revenge after the loss of World War II, decided to re-bomb Pearl Habor, but with modern advances in technology, decided large scale tactical nuclear devices launched from their country at super-sonic speeds would be more efficient and have the same net effect.

  2. National neighbor Nickoslavia launched a sneak attack against Hawaii
  3. out of sheer boredom.

  4. Indians, seeking revenge for all of McSneer's scalping jokes, visciously attacked a W2News.com correspondant, albeit the wrong one, which brought about the unfortunate death of both Frederf and Hawaii.

  5. Space aliens flew across the entire galaxy, snuck through our national defenses, vaporized Hawaii, and left mysteriously. (Jewnet does not consider this a serious option, but failure to mention such a theory in cases such as these tends to gather many UFOlogists around and we don't really want any.)

Tile away! As previously mentioned, W2News.com correspondant Frederf220 was on Hawaii during the disastor, and although we do grieve for him, we also acknowledge that these events release Jewnet from the pressure of competition for number of stories at W2News.com.

As for the actual reasons here, Jewnet does not currently know, but with our investigations, coupled with others, we soon hope to find out. Some skeptics, however, believe that we will never find out because certain large corporations are withholding the truth from the public. But these beliefs are totally unfounded and Mt. Bahnet Industries most definately is not to blame.

Courtesy of
JewNet Wire Services
Putting the "kne" into "knews"

Branden on 6/21/00.



     THE RELIGION-BATHING LINK Catholicism goes down the drain.
Science        

Just hours from departure, I decided to write a story.

[McSneerís Edit] and it shows! [/McSneerís Edit]

[McSneer's Edit] Once again, that was not the real McSneer [/McSneer's Edit]

Frederf plots the points Through the ages, mankind has been pretty religious. Recently, thatís all beginning to change. If more people are being less religious, there must be a cause. It is this reporter's opinion that religiousness is inversely proportional to the regularity of bathing. While this seems farfetched; think about it: The most religious people are of feudal Europe and they were practically living in their own filth.

What theological ramifications does this present? Is religion present in your thin (or thick, eh Harley?) layer of crud on your skin? Is the essence of God under my finger nails?

The implications are intriguing to say the least.

Harley, you are so devout.

[McSneer's Edit] I've said it before, I'll say it again. I'm not Catholic. [/McSneer's Edit]


Frederf on 6/21/00.



     FREDERF GOES TO HAWAII ...the Professor, and Mary Ann here on...
Entertainment        

If you see a lot of tired swimmers arrive on the Pacific coast, youíll know Iíve arrived.

I'm off to the over-priced, over-crowded archipelago known as Hawaii. My parents, my brother, and I will be taking a 12 day [field] trip to Hawaii, more specifically Oahu and Maui. I just hope this isnít going to turn into a museum tour, knowing my parents Iím going to need all [4] of you to cross your fingers.

Will the world cease to function without interaction with the glorious Frederf?

Probably, but, hey Iím on vaciation. Come the fourth youíll all welcome me with open arms, or something.


Frederf on 6/20/00.



     NEW AFFILIATES W2News is becoming a bit too much like IGN.
W2News.com        

Hosted by W2News.com That's right, we here at W2News.com are "proud" to present our two newest affiliates: Lazy Eye News and The PokéSource Post.

Over the last week or so, Frederf's Lazy Eye News has steadily grown out from the new Lazy Eye MB, and will no doubt turn into something great (eventually). Between screaming profanity and declaring his quest for a girlfriend, perhaps the Lazy Eye commentary will soon shed new light on just what it is that makes Frederf tick.

In the same way, The PokéSource Post has been a steady outgrowth of W2News for the last week or so. Realizing that I don't really want to include too much coverage of PokéSource.net on the main page, I decided to allow Dr Psychic a seperate folder on the server, with a handy new addy!

Congratulations to the both of you. And to commemorate the occasion, I'd like to point out the fact that you now have "@w2news.com" e-mail addresses. Wow!


McSneer on 6/17/00.


W2News.com


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