W2News.com
Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore


     AFTERNOON WITH A DENTIST Film at eleven.
Editorial        


The Waiting is the Hardest Part...

What's that Tom Petty song?

Anyway, the old saying is true. Here I am, one week from graduation and there's absolutely nothing to do. I have now officially finished my Senior project, completed each of my class' finals, sat out my last period of high school English... and yet I still feel so unfulfilled. The next few days will consist of Van Ben's grass party (not what it sounds like) and the final drafting class. Whee.

Now, normally this would be a good thing (I need to catch up on my sleep anyway); but for the last few months, the classes I've been taking haven't exactly given me a... what's the word I'm looking for? "Challenge" perhaps? When will teachers ever get it? Sitting in class for forty minutes waiting for the rest of the students to finish a tiny fifty question (open book) final is almost as fun as having teeth pulled, which reminds me...

Last week, for some reason or another, my mother took it upon herself to set up a dentist appointment for 3:30 p.m. today. So not only did I have to deal with giving a twenty minute presentation on The Joy Luck Club, but now I had the dentist visit to look forward to all day.

When I finally arrived, I knew something was terribly wrong. First of all, my insurance company decided to no longer cover my particular place of dentistry (Yay! I get to pay some guy through the nose to poke and prod at my gums with his utensils of evil!). A long story short, the dentist sat down and started ripping at my gums with fierce abandon, all the while BS'ing about his friend's little motorcycle accident as I wallowed in my own spit.


Yep, just as I suspected. Nurse, gimme the hand-drill.

Dentist: Yeah, my friend up in San Francisco, he bought himself one 'a those souped up rice rocket Harleys.

Me: *gargle*?

Dentist: Oh, sorry. *uses vacuum thing to choke me* Anyway, y'know ever since they changed the law... he wears one 'a those, y'know, Nazi helmets.

Me: Nazi what?

Dentist: Oh, y'know, one 'a those helmets. Like this: *holds spit collector up near his forehead*

Me: Oh, you mean a skull cap.

Dentist: Yeah, that's it. I'm not up with my terminology. So, then my friend goes and buys a souped up Harley, y'know it doesn't sound the same? He takes the Harley, and he's goin' about 75 on wet pavement.

Me: Hmm.

Dentist: He goes out at 75 and drops the bike on its side on the concrete. His head was fine, but it took his left cheek six months to grow any real skin back.

Me: ... *shifts in seat* Uh, thanks for the image there, Doc.

Dentist: Yeah, I really can't believe it. All that time, he had to put up with the discharge. Well, congratulations; no cavities!

Now I realize that, like barbers, dentists are required to have certain BS'ing skills to get out of Med school, but this man was a windbag (pardon my French).

Walking out of the waiting room, I massaged my jaw and daydreamed about what kind of tasty treat that wasted sixty dollars could have bought me. Stupid insurance companies.


McSneer on 6/7/00.



     AND NOW, OUR DRAMATIC CONCLUSION! Drum roll please...
Nation        

Well, the results are in, (both of them!) and while McSneer is the closest... You were all right!

I've gone under anyone of those names at one time or another. (Except for that Brian Clark thing. What were you thinking?) (Execpt: Cindy Crawford, Regis Philbin, Tim Coffee [sorry]).

Here's a list of names I've had (most recent is first):

Frederf- The one you all know and love (well, know anyway)
Falcon- Variations of callsign- F@lcon, -KoP-F@lcon,
[OMPR]F@lcon, [BmX]F@lcon
Fred- Band nickname
Frederique- French name
Stinky- Don't ask
Waldo- He didn't like me
and countless others!

The question is: Do you really want to know (or care) who I am?

And Branden, don't give up. Not everyone can be Frederf (I should know), but never give up hope.

P.S. Once again, Frederf has confused us with the truth.


Frederf220 on 6/7/00.



     FREDERF220 TURNS OUT TO BE... TIM COFFEE?! What?!
Nation        

Who is Frederf220? Based on recent provacation, Frederf220, for annonymous reasons, has unmasked (Pay attention, there'll be a quiz later) himself to be... Tim Coffee!

Yes, that loveable ragamuffin that sorts our spam leads a double life as Frederf.

When interviewed about the shocking news, Frederf had this to say: "Ha ha ha ha. I was too smart for you. They never suspect the fluffy one!"

Intriguing.

Now for the quiz (Hey, I was serious)

What is Frederf's real name?
  1. Frederf, his parents should't be allowed to name a dinghy.

  2. Brain Clark, a rather understated name in light of recent events.

  3. clarkbr7, what did he mean by hotmail-like annonymousy?

  4. Tim Coffee, that loveable spam-toting workhorse.

  5. Cindy Crawford... why not?

  6. All of the above.

  7. None of the above.

  8. Any combination of two.


Post your "ansas" in the message board, in the W2News-ish section.


Frederf220 on 6/5/00.



     WHO IS THE INFAMOUS FREDERF220?! Show yourself!
W2News.com        

W2News.com As you may have noticed, for the last month or so, a new face has been popping up in the posting jobs here at W2News.com. Far from the over the top cynicism that seems to permeate the posts of Branden and myself, Frederf220 has provided a bit of comic relief to the eternal monotony of one man postings; and he is appreciated for it.

However, through the recent wonderings on the part of several Crazy Asses (and also my own inner queries), it has become apparent that Frederf220's real identity must be uncovered. You see, the fact that good ol' Fred (as those who know him closest call him) simply appeared on the Message Board withot warning, or provokation is odd, if a bit unnerving. As well, there is the fact that he chooses to remain safely Hotmail-esquely anonymous. Veeery suspicious.

First, let's review the things we know:

Fred likes to say "Yes...quite."
Evidence: His first post in the W2News.com MB, crypticly telling me to "Check your submissions, McSneer."

Fred claims to know me
Evidence: This post comparing me to a simple baked good.

Fred is vainer than I am
Evidence: His first self-made topic on the MB. Clearly showing his want for feedback.

Fred claims to go to Westmont high school
Evidence: His claim to be another fine product of Westmont.

All other details are schetchy at best.

I had given up a long time ago on trying to find out who Fred really was; I simply came to grips with the fact that I would probably never know his true identity. But a recent e-mail I recieved has shed new light on the situation. Dated June 5, 2000, it reads:

It has occured to me that I forgot to actually put up a story under my
last posting... wha.. wait a minute. Sh..oot. I posted that as
Frederf220 and this as Branden... forget you ever saw this post. Umm,
yeah.

Don't mind me, just FREDERF220 here. No reason to think that this is
Branden. No reason at all. In fact we are completely different people.
Yes, that is it. D I F F E R E N T people. Not the same. Goodbye now.

-Branden
branden@bf.simplenet.com

Aha! Finally he has made his fateful slip up! I knew that if I simply laid in wait, I would learn the truth. It seems that all along Branden had just been posing as Frederf220 to fool me into believing I had someone else interested in posting at the site. My heart sank with the realization. But then, I remembered. Just hours earlier, I had read a certain post by Fred, describing his position as a junior in the Westmont band. I may not be clear on all the details here, but I am sure of one thing: Branden doesn't know how to play the trumpet. Nor is he a junior.

The plot thickens.

I also did a little poking around, and I noticed that Branden and Fred don't have anywhere near the same IP address. 205.214.163.xx just doesn't match up with 199.174.200.xxx. So stop your lying, Branden. You'll never be Frederf220, no matter how hard you try.

Anyway, Frederf, whoever you are, stop this sick little game! Tell us your true identity and quit this charade!


McSneer on 6/5/00.



     NEW SUBATOMIC PARTICLE DISCOVERED! What's this, another Westmont article?
Science        

Science! Today is a great day for Science!

Ohio scientists have discovered a entirely new subatomic particle in the world's largest circular particle accelerator.

In the event that you are not on top of the discoveries of scientists last year, Monday discovered a new particle (or wave-form, for all you Quantum Mechanics freaks out there); the trasmitting particle for intelligence. If one knows anything about sum-atomic physics, you know every particle must have an anti-particle (the gravitron's anti-particle is supposedly matter/energy itself). It had recently gone unnoticed due to the fact that it interacts strongly only with other "iclons" as scientists have named them.

With the above in mind, it comes as no surprise that the discovery of the corresponding should anti-iclon was not far off.

But, it was. Sunday, June 4th, in the above-stated facility, the anti-iclon was created artificially. The new particles, dubbed by by one scientist as westons, was supposedly named after the credited scientist's high school.

When asked if naming the anti-particle of the carrier of intelligence after his high school was appropiate, the scientist was reported to have thoughtfully replied, "Bah!"

The weston, like the iclon, interacts strongly only with its own kind and tends to clump in groups, about a city block in size. It was discovered by bombarding studions with high-energy workinos, and detecting the resulting westons would annihilate with a coating of iclons causing a small flash of light.

The aforementioned credited scientist was quoted saying, "This is the most important spin-2 particle know to date. And remember, it's clockwise!"

Due to the nature of westons, certain methods have already been employed to detect naturally-occuring westons. Westmont High School, in its infinate community embraces, has volenteered to provide the starting ground.

One could not have chosen a better (worse) site to detect westons.

The sensitive detecting device discovered an average of 300% more particles greater than background levels. The greatest concentrations were around Administration and the English department classrooms, although unusualy high levels were detected throughout.

The principal could not be reached for comment, or even be reached as he had inadvertantly taped himself to the ceiling.


Frederf220 on 6/4/00.



     THE FIRST OFFENSE Yes, I'm aware of the hypocracy involved.
Select        

[insert story here]


Frederf220 on 6/4/00. [McSneer's note: boy that article was thorough.]


W2News.com


|  Archive  |  Links  |  Banner Ads  |  Message Board  |  Search  |  E-mail Webmaster  |