W2News.com
Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore


     IT IS FINISHED Senior Project accomplished; new assignment: loaf.
Editorial        


Westmont High School
Well guys, it was bound to happen, and it finally has. My Senior Project is officially finished.

Yep, no more inane weekly checkpoints or presentation practices to fret over. No longer will I be held by the shackles of an impending 8-10 minute presentation before the Senior Boards. No my friends, the nightmare has finally ended.

Looking back, however, the presentation wasn't really that bad. Well, aside from my english teacher shamelessly lying about my room assignment, available A/V equipment, and board roster. Not to mention the fact that the stupid little Macintosh that I was forced to present with couldn't choke out any better resolution than 640×480.

But hey, I could probably nitpick at this for hours. For instance, I've come to notice that whenever I've been placed in the situation of having to attend a formal dress affair, the "dressing up" level of my fellow students seems to always fall at the polar opposite of my own dress choice.

The more I choose to dress up, the less my classmates will; and vice-versa. So you see, when I opted to wear my darkblue cashmere, I was understandably shocked when a student entered wearing simply a tie and tank-top.
Figure 1

But anyway, the entire experience wasn't a bust. Why, from the welcome presence of the lovely time-keeping lady (only girl in the entire room), to the well thought out (read: mind numbingly simplistic) questions from the board, a good time was had by all. In fact, much to my delight, my room finished a full twenty minutes earlier than everyone else, allowing for an easy rush home.

So, to conclude W2News.com's coverage of the Westmont high school senior project, I'd just like to say, "Thank God it's over. Now hand me a Coke."

And you can quote me on that.


McSneer on 5/31/00.



     NOW HE'S GONE TOO FAR Okay, no more complaint generators, folks.
Editorial        

W2News.com

In this letter, I would like to share with you some thoughts I originally organized to call for proper disciplinary action against McSneer and his cronies. I assume you already know that it's about time McSneer stopped claiming his vile beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) were influenced by outside sources and just admitted he was wrong, but I have something more important to tell you. Anyone who follows today's debates on sexism and, by happenstance, is also familiar with McSneer's self-absorbed publications, is struck by that old truism: McSneer confuses demagoguery with leadership and undocumented conspiracism with serious research. (Actually, McSneer's crusades have nothing to do with freedom and honor but everything to do with corporatism, but that's not important now.)

All in all, the nihilism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically-motivated, brilliantly-publicized, witless attack on progressive ideas. Let me back up a little: McSneer's lackeys often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear.

If we're to effectively carry out our responsibilities and make a future for ourselves, we will first have to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by what I call inconsiderate mercantalism enthusiasts. Why do we put up with McSneer? Do his henchmen counteract the subtle, but pervasive, social message that says that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do? No, that would be the correct and logical thing to do. Instead, they waste hours and hours in fruitless conferences and meetings. To McSneer's mind, McSneer's intimations epitomize wholesome family entertainment. So that means that he holds a universal license that allows him to wipe out delicate ecosystems, right? No, not right. The truth is that McSneer's reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only iconoclastic answers, scary resolutions to conflicts. Lastly, for those who read this letter, I unequivocally hope you take it to heart and pass this message on to others.


Frederf220 on 5/31/00.



     "HISTORY" OF THE INTERNET W2News.com has expanded to book reviews.
Entertainment        

Recently, Jewnet Wire Services was sent an anonymous package. After carefully inspecting the package in the office's bomb-safe woman's restroom, Jewnet discovered that the package contained the newest volume by Limping Kangaroo Publications, a History of the Internet, written by Proffessor Dean.

Lotsa' book reading goin' on.
It took Jewnet approximately four months to tread through this remarkably boring book, and we ended up only reading the first three chapters, not including the introduction. We found the book wordy and difficult to read. After reading what we could of this atrocious text, Jewnet is only sure of one thing, Proffessor Dean is a complete idiot. For instance, he claims that the Internet was started by the National Science Foundation sometime in 1960s! Preposterous! Every decent netizen knows that the Internet was first created in the year 1989 by Al Gore. He further claims to have some sort of technical knowledge of how the Internet works. It is obvious he is not speaking from his mouth when he offers these "facts" to the world. He fails to grasp that the Internet itself has an intelligence, and makes desicions based on its own will, not the desire of some programmer couped up all day in a cubicle.

Later in the book he claims that commerce is ruining the Internet, that it is pulling it away from its original intent and polluting the community which originally had only science in mind. He fails to realize that without commerce, the Internet would not be what it is, that he would not be able to write such a book even! Jewnet finds it quite apparent that commerce, and only commerce, could of put some life into the Internet and make it such a valuable resource as it is today. No other method would be as thorough or as successful.

So, in conclusion, Jewnet's official recomendation is to shirk away from this despicable volume. We suggest you head over to Amazon.com or any other online book retailer to find a better book to read than this.

Courtesy of
JewNet Wire Services
"The l33t Wire Services"


Branden on 5/31/00.



     FOX609 APPROACHES HIS 1000TH POST! Blasted Sith.
Internet        

First, I'd like to show my appreciation for the warm (what's the temperature of a themal detonation again?) welcome from Fox609's Crazy Ass Message Board, affectionatley know as Fox609's Crazy Ass Message Board.

I'd like to bring to everyone's attention (including Fox609's) that he is approaching his one thousandth post on the EzBoard network. Fox609 has currently 992 posts logged as of 10:03 PM Sunday 5/28/00. One gains an adequate perspective by viewing McSneer's 215 and Jai's 285. This Washinton resident has logged countless hours on EzBoard, to our belittled amusement.

We thank you, Fox609. Keep reaching for that rainbow.


Frederf220 on 5/29/00.



     ANOTHER FINE PRODUCT OF WESTMONT Oh ye of little faith.
Advertisement        

Westmont High School
From the bowels (litteraly) of the same organization that brought you the whimsically incompetant block schedule, and the wonderful 12-step 30-page essay torture that is the senior project, comes Frederf220!

The author of "Somebody Finnaly Used the Submit-o-Matic" and "Microsoft Strikes Again," that wonderfully lovable, adorable, long-winded, low-calorie W2News.com correspondent reposible for the recent rash (notable for its ichiness and discomfort) of recent W2News.com articles.

Perhaps you fail to read the little name below each article giving credit to its author.

Short of having my own national holiday (I believe Martha Stewart is getting one), I demand recognition!

I'm sure that McSneer will post some ridiculous picture of me on the upper-left of this article assuming this ever gets published (let alone read).

[McSneer's Edit] Hah! [/McSneer's Edit]

Itchiness and discomfort are registered trademarks of Frederf220, © 2000.

Frederf220 on 5/29/00.



     TITLES ARE USELESS, THE END IS NEAR! Ummm....
Testimonial        

Here it is. Sunday, May 28 1:25 AM. Well I assume it differant now, when you are looking at this.

After consuming far too many discount soft drinks simply labled "Orange", I've slowy lost my mind. As ritual dictates, this is about the time for my whenever-I-feel-like-it-damnit! subit-o-matic report.

Yes, this foul temptress with its simple, whimsical name. The dreaded Submit-o-matic. I've become the first place leader in its use. Tied for second is every other person in the world.

Because I remain hotmail-esqely anonymous, no one knows the name to the owner of the horror I feel when, in this drowsy state, I methodicaly type out another second-rate at humor. My lack-luster stories are forever destined to fade, unnoticed, into the Archive section like so many Nickoslavia articles.

The word Archive sends shivers down my spine.

I appear to be destined to dim in the awesome glow of McSneer, our beloved man in pink bunny suit (It always the ones you'd never suspect).

My artless stories, like this one, force the wonderful (and fuzzy) to produce a photoshop image through seconds of back-breaking labor.

I say to, those whose browser have not "mysteriously" turned this text to white (with white background), stay clear of this forbidden function, the Submit-o-matic. It is too late for me. I fear the end is near. Quickly, save yourse....<end transmition>

Mmmmmm orange........

Frederf220 on 5/29/00.


W2News.com


|  Archive  |  Links  |  Banner Ads  |  Message Board  |  Search  |  E-mail Webmaster  |