Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore

     HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! Down with those evil French!

Alright, now that headline looks way too much like the name of a sandwich condiment.

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Anyway, W2News.com would like to send a hearty, "Happy Cinco de Mayo!" to all our Hispanic readers on this beautiful Friday afternoon. To commemorate this occasion, I actually did a little reading into that grand old holiday that is extensively celebrated in the heart of San Jose.

So, for those of us out of "the know," Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of the consisive Mexican victory in the Battle of Puebla in 1862 against the forces of Napolean III. Against seemingly impossible odds the Mexicans fought against an army that was almost three times larger, and achieved a much needed triumph for the Mexican people. That's right, after finally driving out those evil Frenchies, modern Mexicans can celebrate their independance by getting cross-eyed drunk and dancing to beat the band.

And of such is life.
Cinco de Mayo
One two three, KICK!

At least, that's what my experience has let on. Last year, when I was stuck in the far away prison known as CCOC, I came across many a Mexican-American, and by far the most often asked question of me in the first week of May was, "Hey man, what'd you do for Cinco de Mayo?" And I would stare blankly and politely answer, "...Nothing."

You see, I was not as well informed way back then as I am now. I would like to make it clear that it was not that I didn't know that Cinco de Mayo was celebrated on the "Fifth of May," I just didn't care.

I was much more interested in counting down the days till my birthday (which also falls somewhere in that great month of May) to spend time worrying about foreign holidays. I guess it's just never been my nature to get too excited about an upcoming calendar holiday that's not gonna get me a day off of school.

Oh well.

McSneer on 5/5/00.

     THE HISTORY OF w2.4mg.com Someone actually used the Submit-O-Matic!!

w2.4mg.comA while ago, while perusing through the insightful, misleading "news" articles of the famous (to those who think it's famous) w2.4mg.com I began to wonder how it all started; w2.4mg.com, I mean. Oh, sure I could ask the creator, McSneer (whose real identity is currently unknown, for obvious reasons), but I decided the best course of action would be to do my own research.

In a shady file room, with many file cabinet, on the outside "DNS entries" was printed on the door. Imediatley pulling out the 40 yard-long "W" drawer, I looked up w2.4mg.com. To my surprise, one file before his (I'm assuming he's a he, or an it) I found something so shocking I lapsed into unconsciousness.

When I awoke, I read the url again: "w1.4mg.com" the contents were classified, and knowing I was working on borrowed time (the janitor was beginning to come to), I only thumbed through it.

Apparently, w1.4mg.com, was some kind of initial internet experiment designed to test IUT, or Internet User Tolerances. The results were startling, in fact the web page was so informitive and witty and loaded so fast, that people would spontaniously combust upon pointing their browser.

This site was never to be uploaded.

But their experiments didnt stop there; as we all know the story of the young boy carrying that fatefull disk as he ran ahead of the gaurds at the facility. It is human nature to be interested in such a webpage. Through a miraculous circumstance, the little boy didn't imolate upon seeing the webpage, but, actually enjoyed it. Making a few asthetic improvements, he posted it to the praise of his adoring fans (both of them). Legend had had it that the government had downloaded his page and was developing it in secret labs.

I swallow hard knowing the next step, flipping past "w2.4mg.com", which was also classified, it was unveiled, 'w3.4mg.com'! I couldn't believe it! Didn't these people know with what powers they weilded?

My trip was tragically cut short. I never read the file 'w3.4mg.com' because, at that time, the janitor came fully to, and was swearing quite profusely.

A half-open window provided my escape.

Frederf220 on 5/5/00.

     WELL, I GUESS IT'S OFFICIAL Ibutsu.com is shuttin' down.

After an amazing display of undecency by Site Admins earlier today, the millions of Pokémon fans that frequent Ibutsu.com were given the shock of their lives. Placing their little hands on the mouse, each was no doubt forever scarred as they stumbled onto the fact that their beloved Pokémon TCG site had been effectively destroyed, from the inside out.

Once again, the hackers have struck.
Ibutsu before.
Later, the situation was further stressed by each of the hackers assuming the identities of esteemed members of both Squick.org and W2News.com.

I suppose what surprised me the most was not the odd stories that I saw, nor was it soley that antipope garbage that still offends my eye.
Ibutsu hacked again.
Ibutsu after.

No, the most baffling aspect of the new Ibutsu is the simple fact that it happened so fast. No matter how many Poké-Maniacs voiced their monetary support, no matter how far each Ibutsu regular was willing to go, no matter how loud the masses screamed, still some group of senseless hacks mercilously destroyed the once great Ibutsu.com. How could the premier of Pokémon sites fall so quickly?

Only three days left.

McSneer on 5/2/00.

     43-MAN SQUAMISH CHAMPIONSHIPS UPDATE Branden talks gibberish.

A marvelous sweep by the Nebraska Omlettes against the Southern New Mexico Donuts left the crowd chanting wild phrases and enjoying their callous uproar. This Squamish championship now progresses to stage 71-B, where the rules are the same but the game is played in a prairie. This Flutney is still five sided, but the normal grass is replaced with wild prarie habitat.

So far in this ogrerut, only 319 woomiks have been made, while a suprising 21 durmishes have been scored. This is probably due to the influx of new nibblings and underblats on this ogrerut roster. Also, probably because of the same cause, there has been less sudden-death overtime. More changes are expected next ogrerut, however, as a completely fresh force of shallow brooders and back-up finks is expected, as well as seven new official head cockswaines. These changes are expected to greatly increase frullip handling and thus increase the durmishes in an average ogre.

Most surprising last game was the astounding number of half-flutney losses, due to how many times the dummy was sent home early and interference with the wicket men happened. There were also many pritz change overs due to lesser penalties ranging from frullip-gouging to walling the pritz. Chances are, the team captain, a half-frummert, will call for the replacement of both leapers and one of the overblats.
Freeze Frame!

Courtesy of
Jewnet Wire Services
"Your Wire Service that kicks back"

Branden on 5/1/00.


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