Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore

     SODA CUP CONSPIRACY! I really hate those caps.

The Great Soda Conspiracy
Ah spring, the time of year when the sun really begins to shine, the winds kicks up, and people stuff themselves into tiny corner restaurants like there's no tomorrow. "What are they doing?" you ask: "Why, it's just such a nice day outside," some say. So, each and every one of them coincidently decide to frequent the same establishments that I wish to and fiendishly work together just to make sure that I can't possibly get the parking spot that I wanted.

So begins a crowd.

Of course, living in this world has made me callous to such things. I easily outmanuver the throngs of people and force my way to the restaurant's main counter, in an effort to place my order. After surviving the twenty-seven minutes it takes to choke down a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich, I throw the garbage away and head for the soda machine.

Now here's where it gets a little sticky. After the usual chore of refilling your glass, it has become expected that you should be presented with the option of capping the beast so that it doesn't splash you on the trip home. Well, I did indeed find the plastic cover that is supposed to hold back the pressure of 32 ounces of a carbonated beverage, but even with all the extra effort I put into making sure it would fit the top of the cup, a tiny squeeze near its bottom sent it flying upward and the soda gushing onto the floor.

Not that big of a problem, I thought to myself. After all, it'll just sit in the car's cup holder. I simply grabbed another lid and pressed it, firmly, onto the top of the cup. However, as I navigated my way toward the car, I found myself becoming a bit thirsty. Raising the straw to my lips I felt a strange sensation down the front of my shirt. Oh crap, was all I could think as I realized what had just taken place. My entire torso was now covered in Dr. Pepper, and there wasn't much I could do about it.

Dodging the noontime traffic, I dashed for the front seat of the car and placed the cup down in disgust. Upon closer inspection of the lid, I found that the manufacturer had made a curious flaw in its design; a tiny area of the cap had a small indention and was therefore smaller than the rest of the lid. But wouldn't you know, that was the part that found its way near my shirt.

Now I'm sure everyone of you has had similar experiences, and that is what I think is the problem. These plastic lid manufacturers are obviously in on the big joke, designing these cups to spill on their unsuspecting customers. Well I say the joke's on them, because I'm going to start wearing a bib!
Soda Cup Diagram

Yeah, that'll learn 'em.

McSneer on 4/11/00.

     SQUICK DOESN'T LIKE THE TRUTH 25 cent words, Matt?


Because I see that the bashings that Squick.org has tried to inflict on us here at w2.4mg.com have been grounded in hopes of generating further content, I make this pledge: Neither w2.4mg.com nor any susidiaries thereof shall make effort to harm the reputation of Squick.org, unless priorly provoked.

Secondly, w2.4mg.com sees no reason to defend ourselves against accusations of copying news "...from News.com, Slashdot or Foxnews..." for one reason: I don't read online news sources. Besides occasionally perusing Slashdot, I have no connection to the online "news." And quite frankly, if the news here on w2.4mg.com actually reflected the news of the world, what a sad world that would be.

Oh, one more thing: w2.4mg.com does not feel that we are behooved to have the "curtosy" to explain anything, Matt.

McSneer on 4/10/00.

     ANIMOV DIDN'T GO DOWN! Is it only a matter of time?

Unlike many other recently mentioned websites, our longest-lasting favorite, Animov, and its even longer-lasting affiliate, Branden's Voracious Page, haven't experienced server problems in quite some time. Although in the business industry this would be nothing remarkable, among Animov's sister sites, this appears to be quite a feat.

Recently, Squick.org, the noted output of M. Clark, drops from existence whenever Mr. Clark decides it is in his fancy to turn off his internet connection. Ibutsu.com, R. Pereyda and B. Frederick's evil plot, often has server errors ranging from "Permission Denied" to "File not Found" when in fact the file is there. And finally, the new resource of the community, w2.4mg.com, is in fact too busy for it to waste time dealing with people.

So, you can see how this lack of downtime is rather unprecendented in the community. Maybe it is just good luck, maybe it is we never see it, or maybe it just is the divine influence afforded Animov by letting JewNet occupy space on the same server.

Courtesy of
Jewnet Wire Services
"Wire Services that Paint it Black"

Branden on 4/10/00.


The Microsoft Paper Clip
Just recently, upon no fault of my own, I found an old disdain rekindling within my heart of hearts. After spending three hours "writing" my Hamlet logs, I realized that I still had to do a little bit of work on my Senior Project. With my computer being the multi-tasking giant that it is [cough, cough], I thought nothing of firing up another document in my severly deprecated copy of Microsoft Word 97 (I have no intentions of upgrading, BTW).

Now perhaps this was my mistake, but I really see no problem with running three IE windows, a Netscape 6 window, Photoshop, and Word 97 at the same time. I even used to do this kind of thing with 16MB's; it's really not that bad. But I guess this time it was not to be the same.

As fate would have it, one cutesy bitmap was to change everything. In but one second, my Fry's box came to a screeching halt. Word 97 sat thinking for a moment and spat out what every sane Windows user deplores the most; that's right, I'm talking about the disgusting Microsoft Office paper clip "assistant."

I believe this paper clip to not only be a constant source of annoyance to Microsoft Office users worldwide, but also the very personification of evil itself. Behind its cocky smile and shifty eyes it is surely hiding some diabolical scheme. The inner machinations of a madman lurk behind those seemingly innocent eyebrows, my friend. It's not just a cutesy little mascot, y'know! Please join me in barring this monstrosity from your respective desktops! Creations this evil must not be allowed to exist!

In the mean time, have a seat and busy yourself reading these hilarious Dan Quayle quotes.

McSneer on 4/10/00.


Squick likes to kick us when we're down.
w2.4mg.com Last Week
Squick is down again???
But what comes around...
www.squick.org Nearly every day.

If you didn't notice, for two days last week w2.4mg.com was unable to receieve any requests. There was panic in the streets. Many devout readers became petrified; ignoring all forms of physical need and personal hygiene, they remained glued to their computer chairs, wondering when w2.4mg.com would continue to dish out the latest on the idiocy of Westmont, the ridiculousness of Shakespeare, and even the misguided rantings of fellow websites.

And yet, in the midst of such chaos, one person has decided to strike out at us. Using the image at above-left, Squick.org wrote some tripe detailing an imagined conspiracy on the part of w2.4mg.com's servers being too busy to handle requests.

All the while, knowing that w2.4mg.com suffered from a server error, Matt has used this small problem of ours in an attempt to create the one thing that Squick truly lacks: CONTENT! By trying to drag w2.4mg.com's good name into the mud with him, Matt has slashed at our heels just to try to boost his own website's content!

Why am I not surprised?

Still, in the process of writing this article, a certain ironic turn of events has come to my attention. The famed Squick.org has fallen to a new level of hypocracy. That's right, ever since last weekend, Squick.org has refused any server contacts and has instead spewed out error message after error message. Simply amazing.

McSneer on 4/9/00.


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