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Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore


     W2NEWS AT AN END The end brings forth new life.
waterlogged.org        


waterlogged.org Well, here I am taking a few seconds away from a Half-Life deathmatch between narf, rio, and myself to write a little ditty about the new domain/layout. Oh, where to begin...

How about the reason for the change. You see, I was getting far too tired of redirect after redirect just to get to my silly news page. If I were to continue in this noble quest, I would need to lay hold of a domain name, post haste.

The wonderful world of choosing a domain. Following in the footsteps of those before me, I settled on the first "nonsense word" I could think of. Waterlogged.org.

More coming soon, Half-Life calls again...


McSneer on 9/18/00.



     MYSTERIOUS GRAY, RECTANGULAR BOX Scientists perplexed.
Science        

The Mysterious Gray, Plastic Box DALLAS TX--While playing videogames, as he does to pass most of his free time, "Bob," whose name was changed, discovered a very surprising thing about the popular video game system, the Sony PlayStation.

"I was just beating my friend at Perfect Dark (on the N64) for like the 50th time in a row," explains Bob, "when I was like, hey, I haven't played my PlayStation in a long time. So I pulled it out and [Mike(name also changed)] was like, 'Dude, that thing's just a gray, rectangular box.'"

And it was. Tests are now being done on the PlayStation, and while the tests are still incomplete, the scientists believe that the PlayStation is a rectangular, gray piece of machinery. "The PlayStation is a gray, rectangular box," says Dr. Joseph Mitchell. "We've found that, while physically that is all it is, it also serves a purpose as an Audio CD player." Coleague Dr. Isaac Lincoln adds, "The gray, rectangular box funtions as an interface for interactive games. It's library consists of at least 300 games of every genre."

Bob adds about the mysterious gray, rectangular box, "I thought differently for a long time, but now that I've given it thought, the PlayStation is afterall a gray, rectangular box." Mike states, "The PlayStation is a gray, rectangular box that plays games and doubles as a CD player. The games are black, circular discs."

The Mysterious Gray, Plastic Box Nothing yet is known about the mysterious black, circular discs. But the scientists are hard at work finding all the information they can about the gray, rectangular box. The latest scientific discovery was that the PlayStation is a gray, rectangular, plastic box. "This gray, rectangular box is composed of some sort of plastic," says Dr. Lincoln. "We find that the plastic has some sort of luster, which makes the gray, rectangular box look sort of intriguing." Scientists also recently discovered that the gray, rectangular, plastic box has a circle carved into the center. Scientist Dr. Luke Sanford explains, "We don't know what this gray circle is in the center of the box," while indicating the center of the gray, rectangular box with a stick, "We also don't know what it does. Many infer that it is where the black, circular discs go. I disagree. I believe that the circle in the middle adds an extra edge to what would have otherwise been a plain, gray, rectangular, plastic box with a circle in the middle, that no one is interested in."

"While I was carefully examining the gray, rectangular, plastic box with a circle in the middle, I realized that, the circle in the middle, appears to be a door," says Dr. Joseph Mitchell. "The appearance of hinges leads me to infer." Another discovery the scientists made about the gray, rectangular box was that there are three buttons on them. No one knows yet just what they do. "I think like, the buttons open the circle in the middle or something," guesses Bob, while shrugging.

The Mysterious Gray, Plastic Box "I don't know what the 'Power' button does though." The "Power" button on the left side of the circle in the middle of the gray, rectangular box is what is baffling scientists all over the nation. A Detroit, MI scientist infers, "The power button on the left side of the circle in the middle of the intriguing, gray, rectangular, plastic box with a circle in the middle of it might be some sort of activation switch. What it activates is as yet unknown. It was discovered that the gray, rectangular, plastic box with a circle in the middle, is a software interface. It might activate the software if you press the button." The scientist then adds, "But then again, we still don't know the gray, rectangular box isn't dangerous. It could be an explosive of some kind."

The rest about this mysterious, gray, rectangular box with a circle in the middle, next to a mysterious "Power" button is unknown. Sooner or later one of the scientists will go off their nerve and push the power button just to see what happens. Until then, we can only guess what it is about this gray, rectangular box that is so intriguing.


Cyril Banes on 9/17/00.



     BLESSED BANKING BLISS Evil personified, with a little cute stagecoach.
Economy        

Wells Fargo Many of the sacred rites of adulthood remained mysterious throughout my life as a child. There were things, basic things, that I made it a point to take for granted. The veiled somewhat baffling enigma of responsibility, reserved for later in life. I waited for years to reap its benefits, but I had yet to taste of its price.

Hours spent in the workplace have given way to plastic money of all sorts. Debit cards nothwithstanding, I decided to jump onto the band wagon... or stage coach, in this case. A birth-certificate here, a social security card there, and the title to my car in my back pocket, I was finally able to trick Wells Fargo's Westgate Branch into providing me with checking services.

Not a small feat when you're eighteen years old with no banking history.

After finally taming this beast, I was sure that there was nothing that could be too hard for me; with the newfound ability to cash any check at just about every grocery store on the block, I had officially entered the workforce. But all has not come up roses since.

I strolled calmly into the Westgate branch, early Saturday afternoon, check in hand and an aching account balance to attend to. I quickly scrabbled my account number onto the back of the check and ran it up to the teller. The banker, who couldn't have been any older than twenty, smiled patiantly and watched as I clumsily etched out my signature in their prescence. Taking it from me, she slowly placed it in front of her keyboard. She then took me through the whole procedure: carded me, checked my account number, blood, breath, and urine samples, onsite retinal scan... y'know, the basics. Then, once I had finally successfully completed another maddeningly epic barrage of tests of character, she happily placed the check back in front of me, and proudly smiled,

"I'm sorry sir, denied."

Mustard As I soon found out, her online berification of funds led her to believe that The Bank of San Jose had closed its doors early that afternoon, and had left me out in the cold. Without a confirmation from my employer's bank, she refused to honor any further trasaction, effectively accusing me of check fraud. I grinned and beared this shocking attempt to defame my character just like any other rational human being would do.
Glop
I threw all the garbage out of my car into their parking lot.

On a side note, mustard packets have an extremely long range when jumped on at just the right angle.


McSneer on 9/12/00.



     BRANDEN FOUND UNCONCIOUS! Something in the milk?
Internet        

Spam is evil LOS GATOS, CA - Today notorious web designer Branden Frederick, of Brand N Products, was found unconsious at his computer. On the screen was a half-loaded web page, a message scrolling across a telnet window saying "ping: sendto: No buffer space available" and an e-mail message from one Matt Clark. Mr. Frederick is still in the hospital under medical care, and has not yet spoken to authorities. Hospital staff say that he is still recovering.

Branden can use the blur tool too. The e-mail message reportedly instructed the reader to hold his or her breath until their webpage had loaded. However, forensic analysts said that while Mr. Frederick was perfoming this experiment, which normally would of been concluded normally, allowing any decent webmaster to return to respirating, his connection to the internet failed, not allowing any more of the webpage to load.

Mr. Clark was unavailable for comment, however his brother Jeff did respond "What? Who is this?" to our enquiries.


Branden on 9/12/00.    McSneer: DOA?



     MOVIES MOVIES MOVIES! Omega, omega, yeah.
Entertainment        

The Omega Code Three days ago, a few members of my esteemed competition and I sat down to watch a movie or two. Though I try to keep myself "free and clear" of all forms of popular culture, I soon found that I was unable to resist the glare of the silver screen. You see, this time Matt and Branden had rented that wonderful turkey, THE OMEGA CODE, that I had wanted to see last year.

Ah yes, The Omega Code, which probably should have been renamed The Running Man, in post production, is the "thrilling" story of a young inspirational speaker with an affinity for chair jumping, who after having terrible problems with his wife, stumbles onto a world changing "Omega Code" that contains within the plans for the end of the world. At least that's what I gathered from the first time I saw it about six months ago.

Abraham Lincoln? The first few moments of the movie included such goodies as computer generated Hebrew text flying around the screen, the death of some old Jewish guy, and if that ain't enough, Michael Ironside in the most ridiculous costume beard I've ever seen.

Never before has our distant past so collided with our coming future. Never before has modern technology uncovered such profound mathematical complexities as revealed within the Bible Code. Never before has the world seen so many ancient prophesies falling into place. The Omega Code Website

The trouble is the film spends a grand total of ten seconds describing those "profound mathematical complexities" and suddenly we are whisked away into some weirdo's life history and how much he wants to cheat on his wife. Calling this piece of crap "a millennial tale of international intrigue" is like describing Independance Day as "an epic story of the unity of the human race."

The Running Man I guess my biggest problem with this movie, is that it paints a crappy picture of the real phenomenon scholars call "the Bible Codes". This movie portrays them as a kind of magical sayings that suddenly start spitting out insights of the coming future. The problem with this way of thinking is the fact that the Bible Codes aren't meant to be used as a fortune telling device.

As I showed last year in with my essay on Bless Me Ultima, the Bible Codes can be used to basically say whatever the heck we want them to say. It's only AFTER something happens that scholars can look back in the Bible Codes and see that it was indeed encoded.

Understand me, I think that the Bible Codes are a legitimate field for study, but that's it; study. This crap about using Bible Codes to predict the future is just another example of stupid people latching onto an even stupider idea. What a waste of time and money.

I bet they don't even realize that adding omega into the title means it should be pronounced Omega Couwde.


McSneer on 9/11/00.


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